


High Tides

by xmjcx



Series: sailing through [2]
Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: F/M, Modern AU, Pirates, captain freja, ex-captain kristoff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24408913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xmjcx/pseuds/xmjcx
Summary: Kristoff never meant to shield his daughter from the sea, never intended to hold the first twenty-two years of his life out of her reach; but somewhere along the line, he got it all wrong.
Relationships: Anna/Kristoff (Disney)
Series: sailing through [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1762654
Comments: 13
Kudos: 31





	High Tides

Kristoff never meant to shield his daughter from the sea, never intended to hold the first twenty-two years of his life out of her reach; but somewhere along the line, he got it all wrong.

It’s what pushes her further towards it in the end, he thinks; and he only has himself to blame. Perhaps he should have listened to Yelena after all - maybe if he would have spoken to her about it sooner, maybe if he wouldn’t have played into the mystery of it all, maybe if he would have opted to go back out on the waves once more - 

But how could he have made that choice, how could he have put his family at risk once more? Had Anna not acted so quickly then it’s quite possible that his entire family could have been slaughtered whilst they slept, and that had been enough for him to vow that their first trip out to sea would also be their last.

He never wanted this life for any of his children, never wanted them to know what life as sea - life as _Captain -_ entails; and he’d done his best to train them all, made sure that they were as good with a sword as they were with a pen, but it breaks his heart all the same to know that it’s his little girl who’s championing this role. 

It’s impossible for him not to think of his father, now, difficult to avoid the memories of a childhood spent out at sea, being trained and prepared for the role that he never asked for, that he never wanted; and Kristoff hadn’t wanted to do that to any of his children, either, hadn’t wanted to expose them to the lifestyle that he had grown to resent or place any pressure on their shoulders -

But if something happens to her now - if her lack of experience out on the waves sees her harmed, or worse - then it’ll be all his fault. 

_You don’t believe in me._

She sounded so much like her mother nowadays that her words stung twice as hard, and she might have his fair hair and golden skin, but she has Anna’s eyes; and the hard, cold look in them as she scowled over at him - nostrils flaring and chest heaving - took him back to a time before her existence had blessed their lives. 

_Would it kill you to have a little faith in me?_

She was wrong, and he tried to tell her as much. He believed in her, he _did;_ more than anyone else in the world ever would or could, but he’d _promised,_ not just on the day that she was born, not just that first moment that he settled her tiny form onto his bare chest, but throughout her life he had promised. All of those early months when he would wark down to the shore with her held tightly to his chest in her cotton sling, all of those early years when he would hold her hand as she pottered along the seafront, and he’d look out at the endless expanse of the water that he used to control and whisper words like _you won’t ever have to know_ and _I’ll make sure of it_ and _you’ll always be safe here, with me._

How wrong he had been, how foolish and naive of him to believe that he could ever be enough to protect her from this doomed part of their bloodline; and his dark eyes brim with hot, angry tears as he lowers himself down onto the corner of her neatly-made bed. 

_I’m your father,_ he’d responded once he caught his breath again, and he found himself repeating those words that he had said to Anna all those years before. _I’m allowed to worry about you, aren’t I?_

Is he?

Kristoff had spent an awful lot of his role as a husband and as a father rolling with the tide, figuring it all out as he went along; but he’s pretty damn certain that the answer to his question is _yes,_ and he doesn’t think that she can hold that against him, either. Eighteen or not, she’s his daughter, and life at sea is rough enough as it is, but she’s _his_ and therefore she’s impossibly more of a target; and Kristoff doesn’t know how he’s supposed to ever get another good night’s sleep knowing that she’s so far away, so out of his reach. 

He runs his hands through his hair before he drags them down over his face and thinks of all of the things that he’s pushed away for far too long; thinks like when did he stop carrying her in that sling, anyway, and when did he stop hoisting her onto his hip or his back or his shoulders because she was big enough to walk on her own; or when did he transition from _daddy_ to _dad,_ when did he stop being the person who protected her, the person that she wanted around, the person who was _home_?

The tears fall freely now, and Kristoff inhales a shaky breath through his nose as he squeezes his eyes tightly to a close. He can’t stomach the sight of her bedroom any longer, can’t face the trinkets and the treasures that remain perfectly in place on her shelves, on her dresser, on her windowsill; and she’s left it all as though she’ll be back, but she’s _gone,_ and he has no idea how long it will be until she returns.

If she’ll ever return at all.

He had tried his best to make this house - this _place -_ feel enough like home to her that she’d never stray, went out of his way to ensure that she never wanted for anything at all in her life; but in the end, it hadn’t been enough for her.

His Freja.

His first born, his baby girl, his entire _world -_

Gone. To sea.

If she returns - gods, _please_ let her return - Kristoff knows that she’ll never truly be his again. Not like she was before. 


End file.
